Sex

This post is something which hasn't been touched on frequently and still in this day and age can be seen as a 'taboo'. I'm going to give my outright honest opinion throughout every single blog that I post therefore if you aren't happy with my opinion that's okay, either try to understand things from my point of view or keep your opinions to yourself cause we don't do negativity here.

So, sex.

One of the biggest milestones in a persons life. Losing their v cards. You've heard about it in the movies, books and tv and now the moments finally happening. Having sex for the first time (this could be for the legit first time, or with a new person) can be extremely daunting. I'm going to tell you some things which might help put your minds at ease or maybe you could relate to.

1. Your first time will be awkward
It is highly unlikely it will be anything straight from a movie scene. This is because realistically you are two young virgins who have most likely never been naked in front of another person and have little idea of what you are actually doing. In a situation like this I will always say try not to be overly awkward in this situation, if the atmosphere starts to feel uncomfortable you can always opt out, youb are always allowed to say no.

2. Nobody cares about how you 'bits' look
There's a big stigma on joking about the way female and male genitalia looks, I honestly don't get it. Size really doesn't matter, it's all about how you use what your momma gave you. This also applies to women as I've frequently seen posts about how if women are loose she puts out etc, which is so untrue, if you think that then you shouldn't be having sex. The reality is nobody cares about what your genitals look like, especially in the moment because you'll both be so carried away. And in the 1 in a million chance they did, who cares? You are the only person who needs to love your body you don't need anyone else for that.

3. Practice
Many young people tend to believe that they will get the hand of sex after doing it once, which again is definitely not going to happen. You see, sex is kind of like a sport you have to practice to be good at it, so you will definitely not be amazing after your first go. So for any of my young readers out there (especially the girls) don't listen to a guy if he says he's really good in bed cause the chances he is are slim to non.

4. Pain
This one is a big one that a lot of people are scared about when it comes to having sex for the first time. The older that you do lose your virginity the less it might hurt, but this varies for everyone. It might be extremely painful or only hurt a little bit (or not hurt at all!) however I would advise that if it really hurts that you see a doctor about it just to be on the safe side. It also wouldn't be painfree after your first attempt it will still feel slightly uncomfortable for a couple more times or especially if you are waiting long periods of time. You will also most likely bleed during or after. This won't be gallons of blood pouring out of your vagina but it's more of a light red/colour colour which is a thin consistency, if this does happen to you then you shouldn't at all feel embarrassed at this is very common.

5. Have fun
Finally have fun and make the most of the experience! Keep in mind not ever experience with be an amazing one however the bad ones produce great stories (I've got a fair share of these). Be in the moment try to enjoy it as sex is something that's supposed to make you feel great and it's amazing to be that intimate with someone, so stop getting in your head and be present.

If you are planning on having sex with a stranger, a friend or a significant other always remember to use protection, especially if you are young to prevent sti's and unwanted pregnancies. Please think carefully about if you really want to lose your virginity yet as this is a big thing to some people and can mean a lot. Also, my final note is that you have the right to sleep with whoever you want to, therefore if you want to do one night stands don't take crap off other people who might make snide comments as this has nothing to do with them, as long as you are happy that all that matters.

Being 'different'

Today's post is going to be about something which I know a lot of people will be able to relate to, this is mainly going to focus around the idea of being different or maybe having the feeling that you aren't stereotypically 'normal'.

Growing up I felt like I was an outsider in many different aspects. This was particularly around my family as I was extremely introverted and shy but also around friends and even strangers. This made socialising very hard for me as I would always have that voice in my head which told em I wasn't good enough and that I should stop talking or even not say a word as I was going to 'embarrass' myself. I feel like many of these fears of mine did develop from a young age as I mentioned previously with my ex-father, however I was just a genuinely shy kid. Being introverted was very difficult as I remember being 13 years old in high school and not knowing my place, I was short, awkward and so difficult to talk to, yet this is something I was always made to feel bad about. Again, some of you will be able to relate to this, relatives, friends and even teachers would make passive aggressive comments about how I wouldn't want to speak and I'm sure they wanted to help yet it made this worse. I felt inferior to other people. As I was shy and barely spoke, this made me an easy target for bullies and this sometimes even meant that my so called friends would be the ones hurdling abuse at me. Sure I didn't have it that bad, I mean I was called hurtful names and spoken to like crap, but it could have been a lot worse.

When I turned 16 I went to college, I wasn't nervous. I was actually excited to be around completely new people. And for the first time in a very long time I could say I was really happy. You see, college was my best 2 years of being a teenager, I met the most amazing people who accepted me for my quirks and helped me grow as a person and I am forever grateful for that. However, I have to take some credit myself, I remember going into my college on my first day and saying to myself that I was going to put myself out there, and I did. If I didn't throw myself in the deep end I could have never developed into the person I am today and that is honestly scary.

You see, the thing is the only person that can help you is yourself. You can tell yourself whatever you want to help you sleep better at night.. but you won't achieve what you admire unless you try. You won't be popular (not that it's important) if you don't actively make an effort to ne vocal and nice, you won't get that promotion unless you go above and beyond for your job, you won't get them amazing abs if you skip out on the gym constantly. All you have to do is be willing to take a chance, so I'm going to challenge you. When you read this I want you to plan on doing something that is completely out of your comfort zone, it doesn't have to be anything extreme like jumping out of a plane or marrying a random dude, it can be as simple as talking to a stranger. I want you to set yourself a challenge and comment below how you felt after you achieved it! You can be scared about a lot of things, trust me I know first hand that life is scary, but I also know that doing everything I did which was uncomfortable at first has made me into the person I am today and I wouldn't change myself for anything. You got this.

YOU are the key to success.

Taking chances

I'm going to be completely upfront and honest throughout every single blog post I write, so I'm going to start by apologising for the fact I've not wrote in a while. Honestly, I have had a bit of writers block so I've been a bit unsure on what to talk about, but this is something that I have been thinking deeply about for quite sometime and I can't shake it, so I'm going to put it into words.

Since watching my first Zoella video back in 2011, I have always wanted to do YouTube. No, I never wanted to do it for the fame or the money but genuinely because I love social media and I really enjoyed watching the videos that youtubers would produce and I always thought I could do that. Young, naive Claire thought she could come up with quality content to wow viewers for years to come, but reality set in that I 'didnt' have what it would take. Truth be told, I was a timid, shy child who was extremely awkward, I cared way too much about what anyone and everyone thought about me, so I never even attempted to pursue this. This all changed today when I was working and realised that if I ever want to do something I love I will have to put myself out there. The thing is, I have changed a lot in so many ways. I'm no longer awkward or shy, however I do care what people think of anything that I create, I am very self critical and this is a big downfall for me. If I want to pursue something that I love I have to be willing to take a chance on myself, because if I don't then I will not have even tried.

So, taking chances. It's time as a 19 year to take a risk and achieve something. I'm still in the works of  creating a YouTube channel, which is going to be a major step for me and is honestly quite scary. I am also going to work abroad next year in Spain which is something I have wanted to do for a couple of years now and then the following year I will be travelling around America for over 2 months. This is scary, in fact, it's terrifying but I know it's something I will enjoy and I'll always kick myself if I decide not to do it. Taking chances can be nerve wrecking, and crazy scary to say the least but I know personally that if I were to fail, at least I could say I have tried.

So, take a chance! Make a decision! Step out of your comfort zone! I can guarentee it will be worth it.

Commitments

This is a strange and slightly uncomfortable topic for me to talk about, however I feel like it is something that is rarely talked about. I know that I have a deep rooted fear of commitment. It might seem like a really weird thing to be afraid of to people who haven't expierenced this, (if you haven't then you are very lucky indeed) but it's a genuine fear of mine and it sucks. I feel like I should probably go into depth a bit more since I've not explained why or how this became a fear, and here I am rambling. Commitment is a scary thing, not only is there the risk of your self being hurt there is also the risk of someone you (presumably) love being hurt aswell, to me the idea of hurting someone that you care about that deeply is beyond terrifying. You see, by no means would I say for example, cheat on someone that I was ever with as this is something that I've always been 110% against, however given my family history, it's in my genes. This might sound stupid to the average person yet my commitment fear started from actually being mistreated by 'father'. It's very hard to be in the mindset that someone could love you unconditionally when your own dad who is supposed to be your number one fan disowns you for a random persons children. As I was young when this all happened I grew to resent him, yet now I feel nothing towards him as he is completely gone from my life, yet I will always have this constant reminder in the back of my head that maybe I am 'unloveable?' Which again, sounds dumb because I have some amazing traits, yet this is something I honestly believe I will suffer with for the rest of my life. Having a fear of commitment doesn't just mean being with someone either, it means I'm to scared to go on dates or sometimes even stick to plans I've made with friends because I feel like I can't get out of it if I need to and it makes me extremely anxious. For a long time this made me feel like I genuinely wasn't 'normal' as everyone else around me was falling in love and getting engaged however I've come to realise that this is always going to be one of those weird personality traits I have about myself. If I could change this about myself I honestly don't know if I would, im sure being able to love someone is amazing however thinking this way has helped me see the bigger pictures with a lot of different things which has prevented me from getting hurt numerous amounts of times. If anyone reads this, what's your thoughts on commitment?